Blue Bridge Leadership

Executive Coaching, Career Coaching, Training, Leadership Development, Professional Development

Work-Life Balance: A Love-Hate Relationship

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“I just want to run away from it all!” Jenny remembered saying to herself as she drove home from work. After relaying bad news to two of her patients, a lunch break that was anything but, a pile of forms to complete, and a phone call from her son’s school saying he was in trouble—again, she had had it. As she sat through several red lights, she imagined herself arriving home to starving children, fixing a casserole, kissing the kids good night, washing the dishes, and packing her bags to the Bahamas, Spain, the hotel down the road, anywhere. So long work! I’ll miss you children! I wish you luck, my dear, sweet husband.

Jenny is like most professionals I know—women and men alike: busy, ragged, and torn in several directions. We want it all—our careers, our families, our lifestyle. Yet time is not our friend. There never seems to be enough.

But what if time were our friend

—the driving force that makes us prioritize? Inherently, we know that time is our most treasured resource. The sense that the clock is ticking away motivates us to hug our kids, rub our spouse’s shoulders, laugh with friends, and work hard.

Work hard—that’s the kicker, because we are torn between work and our other life. However, we can reduce our stress and have an abundant, joyful life if we strive for balance.

Inquire about Your Work Options.

Check with your employer to see if other options exist, such as telecommuting, job sharing, flex hours, or a compressed workweek. Even if those options don’t exist, create a proposal that lists benefits to the company. You can’t receive if you don’t ask.

Set Boundaries.

As a professional executive leadership coach, I work with clients who are so driven to succeed that they often take work home with them. Don’t let your relationships, your health, and your sense of well being suffer. Leave work at work. Turn off your cell phone. Set a time for your last email check of the evening and stick with it. If that’s not possible, set boundaries you can commit to, so you can enjoy a family walk or a weekly board game. Wouldn’t you like to linger over conversation at the dinner table? Engage in tickle fights?

Make a List.

Finish this sentence: “If I achieved better work-life balance, I would….” Would you take tango lessons? Serve at a soup kitchen? Make a list of the things you would do, and then schedule them on the calendar, just as you would a doctor appointment.  Do it now. Don’t wait, or life will happen. It always does.

Give It the Thirty-Day Test:

Ask yourself, “If I received the devastating news that I only had thirty days left to live, what would my life look like?” If you choose how to spend your time wisely through this lens, your sense of balance will improve. Life is about priorities. Do only what’s necessary. Step off the committee if you must. Cut back on your kids’ sports. Let others pick up the slack. Simplify and thrive.

Rest, Reflect, Rejuvenate.

Are you in desperate need of a few days off? We all are! You were never meant to be a superhero, so stop acting like one. The world will not end if you stop to enjoy the beauty around you. So let’s take our own advice and meet our need for quiet, solitude, reflection, rest, and play. We will then be healthier and better able to meet the needs of those we love and serve.

Work-life balance is no accident. So I challenge you to set aside a few hours this week to create a plan you can implement successfully. Ahhhhh. Now doesn’t that feel better already?

What about you, reader? What strategies do you employ for work-life balance? Put your comments below.

3 Remedies for Energy Drain

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Why is it that children have more energy than we do? If I were God, the rule would be this: Children shalt have no more energy than the adults who must keep up with them.

My children are on their second wind at nine in the evening, while I’ve been ready since six-o-clock to sit with a book, watch the ants cross my pavement, or—please Jesus—go to bed early for once!  

I’m tired because I’ve had to work, schedule the kids’ dentist appointments, argue with health insurance reps, pick up cookies for the school bake sale, clean cherry stains off the carpet, wash the previous day’s dishes, google “free” dog (to get the kids off my back), and start two loads of laundry (because it’s easier for my kids to throw their clean laundry down the laundry chute rather than put it away, don’t you know?). And all before three in the afternoon!

Bet this sounds like your life, too. So what to do for energy drain?

Drop That Hot Potato

Remember the game “Hot Potato?” You pass around the “hot” potato, and whoever holds it for too long loses. Similarly, you are stuck with many hot potatoes in your life. So drop one or two. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Mashed potatoes?

Seriously, were I to look at your calendar or to-do list, I’d find lots of hot potatoes that aren’t that hot (urgent). So what if you missed a kids’ game for once or decided to skip going to the grocery store? Rarely is something so urgent or of such importance that our lives should be governed by it. So simplify and scratch off a bunch of your to-do’s. You may event want to make a “to-don’t” list, if that’s helpful.

Play More

As part of my group coaching program, The Year of Living Adventurously, participants and I have decided to emphasize the fun and adventure factor this month. Consequently, we’re going ziplining this weekend: speeds of 25 miles an hour, 50 feet off the ground, 3,200 feet in length. Can anyone say, “Ahhhhhh!”

If I’m not energized by zipping across the forest canopy, then I must be dead. Then I’ll need some real revival, pun intended.

While ziplining may not be in your future, play is important, whether play means tennis or making cookies or fishing. Play enhances our relationships, fosters creativity, and helps us enjoy our lives.

Repeat The Mantra

Repeat after me: I am not lazy or weak if I relax or rest. Hard to say that, huh? We are bombarded with messages of success and ambition and diligence. Why, we must be perfect! Perfect parents, perfect employees, and perfect bosses in our perfect homes driving our perfect cars and enjoying a perfect life. Cherry stains must not defeat us!

Well, you are not lazy or weak because you desire—no, need—to relax or rest. I’ll relax in my crumb-filled bed, for all I care (okay, I do care, because crumbs in bed are slightly irritating).

Despite how difficult it is to take breaks, you must. And part of being able to do so is by changing your mindset: Breaks are necessary. They are healthy. They are good.

What about you?

What boosts your energy, besides an energy bar or caffeine break? Besides dropping your hot potatoes, playing, and resting? Put your ideas in the box below.

3 Limiting Beliefs That Victimize You

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Paul was confused, a pained grimace spread across his face. What did his wife ask again? Oh yeah—where he might find work. He didn’t know. Face it. Most laid off workers like himself didn’t seem to have an inkling where to find those “magic” jobs he kept hearing about. Something about the hidden job market. “Well,” he asked himself, “If the jobs are hidden, then how can I find them?” Paul turned away from his wife, ashamed that he didn’t know. Ashamed he couldn’t take care of his family. Ashamed he was helpless and stuck.

He is deceived. We all are. Sometimes. We are artists of self-deception, afraid to look at reality and take full responsibility for our lives. Some of the language we use points out our limiting beliefs—beliefs that keep us from living the life we’re suppose to live.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

I don’t have time.

In other words, I’m too busy to (fill in the blank).  I think I say this every day! Recently, my daughter asked me if I could cuddle in bed with her for a few minutes. I told her I didn’t have time. What I should have said was, “I want to cuddle with you. I should cuddle you. But I have a project I have to finish tonight. You see, this project is due in two days and I have much more to get done. It’s much more important than a five-minute cuddle. You understand, right?” Well, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. Nevertheless, essentially that is what I was telling her, right? Saying that we don’t have time for something is a fallacy because it presupposes that time is something we can acquire and control. No! Time is the same for everyone. It doesn’t change. What does change are our priorities. Consequently, this limiting belief keeps us from taking full responsibility of how we use our time and whether or not we honor the people and things that are most important.

If I’m successful, then I’m happy.

Significance far outweighs success. Perhaps you’ve acquired a great deal of what this world deems success—a beautiful house, a housekeeper to go with that beautiful house, fancy restaurants, a well-known reputation. Good for you! But there comes a time in all of our lives when we look at ourselves critically and ask, “Is this what I’m here for?” We were designed with a purpose. Have you found yours? Are you living a life of significance and meaning? The limiting belief that success is everything will crush a person’s very own spirit and soul.

I don’t know how to (fill in the blank).

I come across this limiting belief often in my coaching work. Unfortunately, we use this language as an easy way out. Whether it’s a business owner who says, “I don’t know how to increase my sales” or an executive who states, “I don’t know what the boss wants” or a husband who claims, “I don’t know where to find a job,” the fact remains the same: We are responsible for finding out. So you don’t know. I get it. Recently, I’ve been facing this scenario myself. I don’t know what to do regarding a particular business decision. Yet it’s my job to find out. So I’m doing my research. I’m asking those wiser than myself. I’m praying and seeking God’s direction. But I refuse to stay stuck.

Limiting beliefs pervade our thoughts. We speak them everyday—to ourselves, to others. You can discover a wealth of information if you look behind these limiting beliefs. It’s not easy nor pretty. And while confronting ourselves with the truth takes strength and humility, in the end we can arise not as victims but as victors.

Memories: Your Most Important Purchase

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Recently, a major study deemed the most significant purchase one can make:

Don’t buy objects. Buy memories.

Contrary to popular opinion,  we can purchase happiness with our hard-earned dollars. While we can’t find happiness by buying clothing, cars, knick-knacks, movies, and the like, we can purchase happiness when we invest in doing things that are memorable.

For example, I have a beautiful painting on my wall. In muted shades of turquoise, pinks, and creams, the painting matches my furniture and the overall “Shabby Chic” feel of my home. But the only joy it brings is on a superficial level. Yet a sense of peace and happiness overcomes me when I remember my family’s trip to northern Michigan last summer. For a whole day my husband dug for Petoskey stones. Patiently he dug several feet down into the packed earth, tossing stones into a bucket of water to clean them off, and then discerning whether or not the stones possessed the famous pebbled look of lore.

Money well-spent.

Those summer memories were worth the costs of gas, campground space, and campfire food. The money I spent was worth it then, and it is worth it now when I stoke my memories.

Each of us only has so much money to spend. So here is my challenge to you: Invest in memory-making. What memories do you want to invest in this year? Put your ideas in the box below.

Developing Relationships in a Lonely, Crowded World

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We are lonely people in a crowded sea of faces.

There was a time, indeed, when men went off hunting together. The women gathered in each other’s homes, cooking, talking. Groups of families shucked corn. Not to say this all sounds terribly exciting. But there was a time when people needed each other, supported one another, and lived life together. We actually had not just connections but relationships.

Deep inside we recognize our deep need for others.

But we’re too busy to think about it.

When I give my clients an overall life assessment, the social aspect is usually rated one of the lowest. Even with Facebook and Twitter. We may have thousands of “friends,” but few real relationships. I’ve got over five hundred connections on Linkedin, but not one knows about where I, the coach, feel stuck, or what great needs I have in my own life.

And where does that leave me? And you?

Lonely.

We crave relationship, deep communication, to know and be known. We have a desperate need to belong, to feel that we are valued and needed in return.

Growing and maintaining relationships is an intentional doing. It takes time, energy, creativity, and the willingness to slow down for just a little while to rest in the presence of others.

So what are you doing to enliven your social life? How do you make new friends? How do you keep old friendships from becoming stagnant, only to wither and drop away? Please share your ideas and comments in the box below.