3 Limiting Beliefs That Victimize You

May 15, 2012 By Kimberly

Paul was confused, a pained grimace spread across his face. What did his wife ask again? Oh yeah—where he might find work. He didn’t know. Face it. Most laid off workers like himself didn’t seem to have an inkling where to find those “magic” jobs he kept hearing about. Something about the hidden job market. “Well,” he asked himself, “If the jobs are hidden, then how can I find them?” Paul turned away from his wife, ashamed that he didn’t know. Ashamed he couldn’t take care of his family. Ashamed he was helpless and stuck.

He is deceived. We all are. Sometimes. We are artists of self-deception, afraid to look at reality and take full responsibility for our lives. Some of the language we use points out our limiting beliefs—beliefs that keep us from living the life we’re suppose to live.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

I don’t have time.

In other words, I’m too busy to (fill in the blank). I think I say this every day! Recently, my daughter asked me if I could cuddle in bed with her for a few minutes. I told her I didn’t have time. What I should have said was, “I want to cuddle with you. I should cuddle you. But I have a project I have to finish tonight. You see, this project is due in two days and I have much more to get done. It’s much more important than a five-minute cuddle. You understand, right?” Well, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. Nevertheless, essentially that is what I was telling her, right? Saying that we don’t have time for something is a fallacy because it presupposes that time is something we can acquire and control. No! Time is the same for everyone. It doesn’t change. What does change are our priorities. Consequently, this limiting belief keeps us from taking full responsibility of how we use our time and whether or not we honor the people and things that are most important.

If I’m successful, then I’m happy.

Significance far outweighs success. Perhaps you’ve acquired a great deal of what this world deems success—a beautiful house, a housekeeper to go with that beautiful house, fancy restaurants, a well-known reputation. Good for you! But there comes a time in all of our lives when we look at ourselves critically and ask, “Is this what I’m here for?” We were designed with a purpose. Have you found yours? Are you living a life of significance and meaning? The limiting belief that success is everything will crush a person’s very own spirit and soul.

I don’t know how to (fill in the blank).

I come across this limiting belief often in my coaching work. Unfortunately, we use this language as an easy way out. Whether it’s a business owner who says, “I don’t know how to increase my sales” or an executive who states, “I don’t know what the boss wants” or a husband who claims, “I don’t know where to find a job,” the fact remains the same: We are responsible for finding out. So you don’t know. I get it. Recently, I’ve been facing this scenario myself. I don’t know what to do regarding a particular business decision. Yet it’s my job to find out. So I’m doing my research. I’m asking those wiser than myself. I’m praying and seeking God’s direction. But I refuse to stay stuck.

Limiting beliefs pervade our thoughts. We speak them everyday—to ourselves, to others. You can discover a wealth of information if you look behind these limiting beliefs. It’s not easy nor pretty. And while confronting ourselves with the truth takes strength and humility, in the end we can arise not as victims but as victors.

13 Ways to Develop Yourself as a Leader

May 10, 2012 By Kimberly

So you’re a smashing success. You’ve got the admiration and appreciation of followers galore. You’ve got not just the dream but the vision of how to get there. You’ve got money in the bank. You practically wink at yourself in the mirror. You’ve got it going on….

But do you?

I don’t know about you specifically, but this world defines success in terms of money, a big house, new car, lush green lawn, and accolades. “Why, I’ve got myself 500-plus LinkedIn followers!”

But real leaders know they never truly arrive at a destination. Success isn’t just about the accomplishment. It’s about the journey. It’s about continually developing oneself in all areas of life, not just the professional side.

So how’s your journey?

Are you growing? Are you continually seeking? Are you seeing all the amazing possibilities in front of you? Though this list is endless, here are some ways you can develop yourself–as a leader, and as a human being.

Commit random acts of kindness daily for a whole month. You’ll be surprised by what you’ll learn–about yourself, about the world.
Hang out with those you admire.
Disconnect from technology for a whole day (yes!). Quiet and reflection leads to creativity. Creativity leads to innovation. Innovation leads to development.
Read, read, read. Feed your brain and feed your soul.
Create an action plan. Sure, you have one for work. But what about one for all the different areas of your life: spiritual, relational, emotional, physical?
Interview those who are already in the place you want to be.
Regularly and openly acknowledge others’ strengths and talents.
Take risks. You can’t grow if you never fail.
Celebrate others’ achievements, even your competitors’! You never know. Strong, advantageous alliances and projects may be formed down the road.
Get authentic. You don’t have to pretend to be the kind of leader you’re not. Everyone knows, anyway.
Admit your doubts. Admit your weaknesses. Admit you’re human. (Unless you’re an alien.)
Ask for feedback from others on a regular basis.
Give more than you take.

Leaders grow and bring along others for the ride. Are you celebrating the journey? Or are you resting in your accomplishments?

Just curious, but what other ways do you think leaders can develop themselves? Put your answers in the box below.

Memories: Your Most Important Purchase

April 24, 2012 By Kimberly

Recently, a major study deemed the most significant purchase one can make:

Don’t buy objects. Buy memories.

Contrary to popular opinion, we can purchase happiness with our hard-earned dollars. While we can’t find happiness by buying clothing, cars, knick-knacks, movies, and the like, we can purchase happiness when we invest in doing things that are memorable.

For example, I have a beautiful painting on my wall. In muted shades of turquoise, pinks, and creams, the painting matches my furniture and the overall “Shabby Chic” feel of my home. But the only joy it brings is on a superficial level. Yet a sense of peace and happiness overcomes me when I remember my family’s trip to northern Michigan last summer. For a whole day my husband dug for Petoskey stones. Patiently he dug several feet down into the packed earth, tossing stones into a bucket of water to clean them off, and then discerning whether or not the stones possessed the famous pebbled look of lore.

Money well-spent.

Those summer memories were worth the costs of gas, campground space, and campfire food. The money I spent was worth it then, and it is worth it now when I stoke my memories.

Each of us only has so much money to spend. So here is my challenge to you: Invest in memory-making. What memories do you want to invest in this year? Put your ideas in the box below.

20 Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness

April 10, 2012 By Kimberly

Recently in my group coaching program, The Year of Living Adventurously, my participants decided to declare our “Community and Impact” month a month for random acts of kindness. They decided that instead of focusing on their own personal goals for making a difference within the community, they would each focus on acts of kindness. Then we would get together to compare notes.

So what is the purpose of committing to acts of kindness? First, you will learn a lot about yourself. You’ll see just how difficult it is to step outside your comfort zone to meet the real needs of others. Second, you’ll realize that awareness is key to kindness. Thus, you’ll have to slow down, rather than allow your life to whiz by, without a thought to how you can impact others. You’ll also discover that generosity takes practice. As marred humans, we tend to be self-absorbed. Through these acts, your personal growth and development will flourish.

One of my participants said that this month changed her life. For example, she brought gourmet coffees to her co-workers on several occasions (they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her). She wrote little love notes to her husband (he thought he was being harassed by some other woman!). These random acts of kindness helped her get outside herself and made a difference in the lives of those she touched. She, too, was blessed in return.

Do you want to know what kind of impact you make on others? Or can make on others?

Take on the challenge yourself.

If you’re ready to take on the challenge, here are some ideas. Again, the point, however, is that the acts are random. While some acts of kindness can and should be planned, you’ll also want to become aware to the world around you. When you do, you’ll see that there are endless opportunities to help your fellow human beings.

Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness:

Pick flowers from your yard and bring them to a neighbor.
When at a restaurant, pick up the tab of another patron.
You have to make dinner anyway, so why not make an extra serving or two and drop it off at an elderly neighbor’s house.
Empty your co-worker’s trash.
Clean the microwave at work!
Compliment a complete stranger.
Take a homeless person out to lunch.
In the grocery checkout lane, let the person behind you go first.
Buy chocolates for your grumpy boss.
Wash the outside of your neighbor’s windows.
Write a card for a friend you haven’t connected with in a while.
Make a list of ten reasons why you love your spouse/child/mother…Give it to them.
Listen deeply to the one who loves to ramble on.
Acknowledge the efforts of someone who works hard.
Write a thank you note to someone who has made a difference in your life.
Offer to mentor someone.
Have a real conversation with a homeless person.
Pick up trash in the parking lot.
Leave a note with an inspiration quote on car windshields.
Humble yourself and pray with someone about their challenges.

I suspect that if you commit to doing one act of kindness daily for a month, you will develop a new habit, which means you won’t have to try so hard. You’ll not only make an impact on the lives of others, but your life, too, will be forever changed.

Share your stories! What acts of kindness have you done? What was the impact? What things do you plan to do? Put your comments in the box below.

Family Celebrations, Rituals, and Traditions

April 3, 2012 By Kimberly

Timmy walks along the beach, stranded on the island, his parents feared dead, all the while not noticing a pair of yellow, glinting eyes in the green foliage of the jungle behind him….

And so my kids’ bedtime story resumes, the one I make up on the spot, the one that continues for nights on end until I’m bored with the story and decide to put that baby to bed, despite the kids’ heckling and poo-pooing for more. The kids love this nightly ritual. No storybook entrances them like oral stories of knights and princesses, pirates and dragons, clowns and fairies, sometimes all in the same tale. It is one of our traditions, a celebration of innocence and awe and wonder and everything that childhood brings.

Families are blessed by traditions and celebrations. Yes, they take time, and definitely imagination and energy, but they bring a sense of belonging and intimacy.

I know of one family that celebrates each child by giving them “their night.” That’s what they call it—“my night.” Once a week, each kid gets an extra half hour to spend with mom and dad after (and this is key) the other kids are put to bed. Yippee! One-on-one with Mom and Dad! Yeah, the dishes might not get done til morning sometimes, and the newspaper may have to wait. But boy won’t these little kids have great memories growing up, not to mention a special, close bond with their parents.

What traditions and celebrations do you hold dear?

Or perhaps you’d like to develop new ones. Here are some ideas:

Friday night family fun night
Sunday picnics
Board game night
Bedtime stories, even for the teenagers
Dinner with the family around the table
October pumpkin patch visits
Monthly potluck with friends and neighbors
July Celebration of the Fireflies
Family prayer and devotions
First day of spring party
Monthly family volunteer day
Mom and Dad’s (ahem!) night

Regardless of what traditions, rituals, and celebrations you incorporate into your busy lives, the fact that you do so demonstrates love, loyalty, and security.

What are some of your family traditions, rituals, and celebrations? Leave your comments in the box below.